What Does It Take? Better Questions.

What does it take to change? What does it take to get better?

What does it take to become a better husband or father? A better salesperson, leader, student, athlete, or entertainer?

If the answer is "it's different for everybody”, then how does anyone get help? How do you get coached? How does anyone lead you?

The answer is better questions.

You have to find the right questions for you. Coaches have to find them for their teams. Counselors and therapists have to find them for their clients.

Sometimes they sound like this:

• Where do you want to be?

• Where are you now?

• What's standing in the gap?

• What do you need to do to bridge it?

Questions.

Most people are asking themselves the wrong questions. And they're getting exactly the answers those questions deserve.

Position vs. Trajectory

Improving your life starts with the internal dialogue you maintain. That conversation runs all day, every day. Very few of us ever stop to audit it.

Most people fixate on their current position. The number on the scale. The balance in the bank account. The sales board at the end of the month.

Position is a snapshot. Trajectory is the story.

Two people can stand on the same spot today and be headed in opposite directions. One is climbing. One is sliding. The number looks the same. The future does not.

Real change comes from focusing on your trajectory. And you can't change your trajectory until you ask where it's pointed.

Mind the Gap

To truly improve, you have to answer one core question:

Where do you want to be versus where you are today?

That sounds simple. It isn't. Most people can describe where they are in painful detail. Far fewer can describe where they want to be with any clarity. Almost nobody has mapped the gap between the two.

Closing that gap takes more questions. Better ones. Questions that drill past the surface answer to the real one.

Whoever Asks the Questions Controls the Conversation

I've heard it said that in a negotiation, the person asking the questions is in control.

Now turn that inward. In a self-assessment, who's in control? If you never question your assumptions, your habits, or your excuses, they're running the show. You're just along for the ride.

Taking control of where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there starts the same way every good negotiation does. You ask the right questions.

Audit Your Self-Talk

We don't spend nearly enough time analyzing the questions we ask ourselves. Honestly, most of us don't examine our self-talk at all.

Start with one shift: Move from "Can I?" to "How can I?"

"Can I?" invites a yes or no. When things get hard, the answer drifts toward no. "How can I?" assumes the outcome and puts your brain to work on the path.

There's research behind the idea that questioning beats declaring. In a 2010 study published in Psychological Science, participants who asked themselves whether they would work on a set of anagrams solved more of them than participants who simply declared they would. The researchers linked the effect to stronger intrinsic motivation. [1] A later round of replication studies didn't find the same difference, so the exact wording isn't magic. [2] The point still stands: the questions you habitually ask shape where your mind goes next.

Questions Worth Asking Yourself

Here's a starting list. Don't skim it. Answer it.

Some of these may feel unfamiliar. That's exactly why you need to sit down and let them soak in.

Reflection

• What did I love?

• What did I learn?

Energy

• Do I feel motivated or overwhelmed?

• Are specific people or situations constantly draining me?

• Do I set aside regular time for rest?

Priorities

• Do I ever ask for help?

• Am I making time for the things that truly matter to me?

If an answer makes you uncomfortable, good. That's usually where the growth is hiding.

Curiosity as a Revenue Driver

Curiosity leads to questions. Questions lead to answers. Together, questions and answers lead to learning.

That applies far beyond self-assessment. It shows up in every conversation, every relationship, every leadership role, and every seat across the desk from a client or prospect. True curiosity is what drives you to ask the right questions.

Here's the part most people miss: curiosity shows you care.

Harvard researchers led by Karen Huang studied live conversations and found that people who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were better liked by their conversation partners. The reason: follow-up questions signal listening, understanding, validation, and care. The same research found that people don't expect asking questions to make them more likable. [3]

In sales, the pattern repeats. Gong's analysis of more than 519,000 B2B sales calls found success peaked when reps asked roughly 11 to 14 targeted questions on a discovery call, spread naturally through the conversation instead of fired off like a checklist. [4]

Sincere curiosity builds trust. Trust builds relationships. Relationships build revenue.

Your Move This Week

Pick three questions from the list above. Write your answers down. Be honest.

Then catch yourself the next time you think "Can I?" and rewrite it as "How can I?"

You won't find better answers until you start asking better questions.

Expect to Win.

#xp2win #chasingbetter